The first sign is Lemon-do’s, late summer, grape flavoured release. It is way better than the early summer Rumane flavour and has the taste you get with 30 grams of sugar per can.

The second sign is that all of the sudden every grocery store in Tokyo has grapes front and centre, so I reach for my wallet.

THE MEGA GRAPE

Listen, the Japanese don’t always invent things, but they do perfect everyone else’s work: ramen, jazz, whisky, ball point pens, grapes.

Domesticated grapes first appeared around 6000 BCE in the region between the Black Sea and Iran, basically Georgia. They weren’t cultivated in Japan until more than 6,500 years later.

Yet in 2008, Japanese wizards bred the perfect ping-pong ball sized table grape. The Ruby Roman.

Seriously, these things are crazy. At the time of launch, the pricing for the premium class was upwards of ¥100,000/≈US$910 per 700-gram bunch, or roughly $26 per grape. Apparently, in 2020 one bunch sold at auction for $12,000. That’s over $400 a grape. Let that fucking sink in.

In total there are 134 registered varieties of grapes cultivated in Japan, including some local crosses that are not widely available. Of that, over 85% of production is designated to be eaten fresh. Farming is wide spread, but the main prefectures by volume are Yamanashi (>30%), Nagano (>20%), and Hokkaido (>15%).

TEMPERATURE

First! Grapes should be between 4 to 10 Celsius when you eat them. This ensures the bite is crisp and refreshing; the sweetness is balanced; and the aromatic compounds aren’t funky.

By comparison, below zero is cool for dessert but that’s like eating sorbet. Room temperature loses the crisp pop and those aromas take on a fermented/boozy nose. Over 24C and you might as well be a rodent foraging fallen grapes in Greece’s death inducing heat.

If you don’t have a produce drawer with separate temperature settings, you should let grapes hang tight for up to 10 minutes after taking them from your functionally-inferior fridge.

THE REVIEWS

Like with strawberries, the following comments cover taste, appearance, consistency and the price of my sample, plus the odd general thought.

Price is per bunch unless otherwise noted.

I’ll add to this list as I stumble on different varieties.

RUBY ROMAN / ルビーロマン (¥1,620 / 6 grapes)

Since I can’t afford the premium class these were only 20 gram size, not the mega 30 gram minimum of my dreams.

An even red colour, soft to the touch with a smooth waxy skin. Very big.

Juicy and boozy. Perfectly balanced sweetness, strong flavour that doesn’t over stay.

Now I want to try a premium class without paying the price.

NAGANO PURPLE / 長野パープル (¥2,100)

These are tough to grow without skin splitting so production can be limited.

Plump teardrop shape that is almost so firm it’s hard.

Distinctive grape-ness that is difficult to pinpoint. Strong burst of flavour without any jamminess.

Chair approved choice for eating a handful.

SHINE MUSCAT / シャインマスカット (¥2,480)

33 years in development to blend Japanese and European grape characteristics.

Firm, plump, egg shaped with no aroma. The smooth green skin is a bit chewy. The flesh is not very juicy and no lingering flavour. A few had a sharpness that adds a missing bite.

Not memorable. Serve when you want to mindlessly consume, like at a table over bullshit conversation/a meeting that should be an email.

QUEEN ROUGE / クイーンルージュ (¥1,980)

Took 11 years to develop from Shine Muscat and Unicorn cultivars, and has a sugar content over 20%.

Elongated oval, slightly tender, colouring is marbled with red covering green.

The thin skin crunches after an initial burst. Flavour doesn’t last, think crack: intense, then gone.

PIONE (a.k.a. The Black Pearl) / ピオーネ (¥2,480)

A hybrid (Kyoho and Cannon Hall Muscat) commercially introduced in 1973, think of it as the Ruby Roman predecessor.

The size of an eyeball, just off a perfect sphere and kind of squishy to touch. Dusty aubergine colour with uneven opacity. Smells like a jolly rancher.

Super intense, almost cartoonish, freezie-style grape flavour. Chew the skin quickly to avoid a bitter aftertaste.

This one’s for the kids.

KYOHO / 巨峰 (¥980)

Smallish black-purple and pretty uneven sizes. To be fair, I got these at Peacock.

Super juicy with almost no flavour.

These taste like discount grapes. Probably need to find a better class of them or maybe grapes from the 1930s are just boring now.

SETO GIANTS / 瀬戸ジャイアンツ

Okay, I haven’t had these green ones yet. Given the unique peach shape, I’m on the hunt.

AURORA BLACK / オーロラブラック (¥3,240)

Deep purple-black colour with a chalky cover. Medium-large size and solid firmness, almost a perfect sphere.

Tastes like high quality grape juice, perfectly balanced and rich flavour from the first bite to the last drop.

This might be the best of the bunch and what I’d splurge on as a gift.

Sg

ps - at a US land border crossing the officer asked “Grapes, apples, or oranges?” Clearly asking if we were bringing any across the border. My friend missed the obvious so responded with “Grapes! I like grapes.” You can imagine how the rest of entry processing went.

UPDATES AFTER INITIAL PUBLICATION

QUEEN NINA / クイーンニーナ (¥1,380)

Translucent red, roundish and soft. They felt almost like they were past ripe.

BUT crisp bite with very thick, bitter skin. Juicy flesh that is completely overwhelmed by the skin. Try real hard to find the hint of strawberry.

This one should be flayed.

There are over 300 registered strawberry types in Japan. They range from lacquer red to red-orange to white.

On top of that, the size range is staggering with Japanese farmers having bred the plumpest of strawberries, the Belgian Blue cattle of berries. Further, the packaging ranges from super functional to wood boxes with soft linings for each berry to rest comfortably in luxury until you stuff it in your face like a savage.

The Japanese fondness for luxury fruit gifts is a topic unto itself.

The upshot is that the cost range is crazy times. At one end you can spend ¥280 at an alleyway grocer for a box of jam making berries or you can spend ¥1,350 per berry at luxury fruit stalls in Shinjuku or Ginza. Don’t reach for your calculator, that high end berry is £7 or 12 Canadian pesos each.

Taken together, shopping for strawberries in Japan is exciting and bewildering.

Well, April/May is the end of peak Japanese strawberry season so here’s a breakdown of all that we tasted in our truncated first season. The multi-year goal is to try all varieties and this post will be updated as we go. It will get messy because not only are there all the varieties, there are a dozen-plus regions, countless farms, and various pricing tiers. At some point order will be imposed but not yet.

To the extent possible, on top of variety, reviews will include prefecture and price BUT sometimes you might just get a pic and the ravings of a maniac. I’m not turning into an excel ‘tard cataloguing data. I’m just here to eat all the fucking berries.

Format is roughly: variety/cultivar, farming prefecture, price then some general observations and an official review.

By the end of this I’ll be Huckleberry Pie.

BERRY REPORT

HINOSHIZUKU, Kumamoto, ¥750 per pack

Mid-size berries; watery, acidic with mild sweetness; mid-red, slight orange colour; waxy feel with no aroma.

Eat on a hot day as an alternative to watermelon.

SKYBERRY, Tochigi, ¥750 per pack

MASSIVE jumbo size; firm texture with deep seed pores and a mid-deep red; earthy aroma; beefy & juicy to bite into, kind of like a peach; getting a bit sweet and a little tang.

For those stuck in the late 90s, loving a strawberry and spinach salad.

TOCHIOTOME, Tochigi, ¥1,080 per pack

Small size and deep red; smooth and firm-ish but kind of waxy; no smell / all flavour; sweetness balanced with tartness.

Gobble these up all day long.

KOTOKA, Nara, ¥1,980 per pack

Came in premium Top Berry packaging; uniform conical shape; paler red colour; medium-small size; FIRM; strong smell almost seems fake; moist and fleshy to the bite; long lasting flavour; sweet not sugary, tangy.

Serve these at a party. Yep, this is the party berry.

BENI HOPPE, Shizuoka, ¥2,380 per pack

Deeeeep red; round and fat; mid-firmness with deep pores; smells sugary; watery and juicy; strong flavour reminiscent of a cherry; taste lingers like it coats the tongue.

The daiquiri berry.

OI-C BERRY, Shizuoka, ¥756 per berry

Size of a golf ball; smoooooth aroma that is a bit spicy; fleshy inside; candy-like flavour.

Serve with ice cream or chocolate.

ICHIGOSAN, Saga, ¥750 per pack

Grocery store standard; smaller and pointy; super dark colour; irregular sizing; no smell; mildly astringent and tart.

Bake with these, maybe make jam if you add lots of sugar.

AMAOU, Fukuoka, ¥980 per pack

Vibrant red; medium size; irregular shapes; mild “strawberry” aroma; fleshy texture and small seeds; sweet and slightly tart flavour.

Meh at this price.

YUMENOKA, Nagasaki, ¥598 (on sale from ¥698)

Uniform cone shape; medium-small; fleshy texture; large seeds; no aroma; barely noticeable flavour.

Near total disappointment.

ANGEL’S BERRY, Saitama, ¥2,150

Branded as the strawberry of the future!; perfectly white with red seeds creating a pink hue; bright smell that manages to be strong and subtle; soft and melty in the mouth; mild juiciness that doesn’t taste like a strawberry until the end, almost a pineapple flavour.

Really fucking good. This feels like saying Kendrick is the best rapper, sometimes hype is warranted.

Sg

Ps- Blame my translator app for any errors understanding the kanji packaging and grocery store signs. It’s doing its best, AGI just isn’t here yet.

Pps- there is nothing wrong with eating the green leaves along with the berry.

Seriously, leach the damn citrus. That’s the key.

In the fall of 2024, we spent a few months touring Japan as we contemplated relocating from London. In this time I drank a shit tonne of chuhai and since being back in Japan I still cannot get enough.

These are classic izakaya drinks, served in mugs with ice, and either politely sipped or guzzled to get ripped as quickly as you can stand. I see you Jin!

They come in a variety of flavours from lemon to peach to elderberry to whatever else. The booze is shochu, and even then shochu can be made from all variety of veg or grains, each with a distinct flavour. The one constant is carbonated water.

Yet the real joy of these drinks is grabbing a cold can of classic shochu and lemon late at night on a walk, Wan-kan baby! I have tasted every single one on the shelf of 7-11/Family Mart/Lawsons. These range from sugary messes to astringent booze with a hint of citrus and fake sweetener.

It is with some pain that I must report the best of them is a Coca-Cola product.

Launched in 2018, the Lemondo brand was apparently a hit immediately and remains popular, often the only sold out column in the convenience store fridge or only available in a family size glass bottle. The only English on the can is the tagline “Kodawari Taste” & lemon sour.

Kodawari translates roughly to “perfect craft”, but note there is no direct translation.

True, Coca-Cola Corporation is not where we go for craft. Yet, the recipe for their drink is worth replicating. They don’t simply crush lemon or add concentrate juice to barely passable spirits.

These drinks involve methodically, to the extent possible in mass production, breaking down a lemon to get the juice plus all the oils and flavours. In short, they leach the lemon with sochu, strain, then add soda water.

These cans are mesmerizingly good, even if a family history of diabetes is telling me ≈15g of sugar a can is DANGER ZONE at scale.

So here’s how to make this at home and get a pass from a sugar-hawk that reads labels like lives depend on it.

Lemon Sour Recipe

Ingredients:

• 3 lemons

• 200 ml korui shochu

• Soda water

• Optional: 1 tsp raw honey or a pinch of salt

Prep:

1. Zest, juice, and chop the peel/pulp of all lemons

2. Combine in a jar with 200ml shochu (add honey or salt if using)

3. Leave in the fridge for 72 hours, shake it daily.

4. Strain out all solids, be patient and do it repeatedly with increasingly fine mesh if needed. Kodawari, right?

Serving:

• Pour 60-100ml over ice and add cold sodawater to taste (at least 100 ml).

This is an easy recipe to scale. If preparing in quantity, add 0.5g of citric acid per 200ml of shochu to keep it shelf stable.

When it comes to shochu go with a barley based option. They are fuller flavoured than rice based and subtler than sweet potato based. Korui shochu is a more neutral spirit distilled multiple times. Otsurui shochu is single-distilled, retaining a richer flavour that can overpower the juice.

For lemons, find eureka lemons and do NOT get cute with yuzu.

Carbonated water is not just water. This is where true connoisseurs separate from the mob. Canada Dry soda water is standard stuff, fluffy bubbles just like the gun at the bar rail. For my money, go with something a bit sharper like Perrier. I want this drink to sting a bit if I get gluttonous and chug it.

If you’re like me, these drinks should stoke memories of doing lemon drops after hours at bars on a work night. Here’s to late nights roaming the streets while the day walkers sleep.

Cactus at Sea

This is the first piece from a new section focused on life in Japan, assuming my visa gets sorted. If the visa falls through this section will be about being completely untethered, like a prickly succulent drowning in salt water.

A nice feature of substack is sections, which let readers opt in or out of topics not just an entire publication. Go to your account on the substack site to toggle your selections as needed, but first here is a quick summary of the sections used to organize my ideas.

BROTHELS&galleries: travel including city walks, fields reports, and one day full blown guides.

the MEDIUM files: media, tech, and culture, including the monthly round-up of stuff I enjoyed.

Object Layer: technical details of decentralized digital publishing.

Cactus at Sea: expat life in Japan, including primers and observations.

Lastly, at no point am I turning on a paywall here. These dispatches are not how I ever want to make a living. I’d rather stroke it on Chaturbate if it comes to pimping myself. If you want to support, tell a real world friend about something you learned here or wait for the hardcover. I say this because a bunch of people I follow have recently put everything behind a paywall and it sucks, I can’t afford them all.

Sg

Ps: I didn’t include a photo of the Lemondo cans because the search is half the fun of walking around.

Pps: if we’re talking about lemons, never forget the greatest rant in video games.